-blogs. I have started many and more blogs, deleted most of them, and, other than this blog, all have been discontinued. I like to write, I really do (especially when it's about something I know/love/want/feel) and yet I don't post often. I get all worked up about something awesome to write about and then I get all worked up about everything wrong with my idea and all the time it would take to write and edit and make perfect and then I don't do it. I do this in many areas of my life, with things I really enjoy, and it brings me down. It's bad and I'm trying to work past it with therapy, meditation, and medication. I am one hundred percent serious when I say this: admitting you have a problem is the first step. I did that a couple of years ago, and haven't stopped improving since then. Sometimes it takes a while to realize
what your problem actually is, or that you may have many other problems that contribute to your overarching problem.
In other words, I don't have to be perfect when I start something; that's why I'm writing again, to improve and be better later when it might count for something. I believe that writing a public journal is a great way to prove that you've been doing something with your life, even if you're just trying to prove it to yourself. To get back into writing, I'm starting with something pretty simple: a list of what I make. Inspiration comes from my high school friend
Rebecca. She is my inspiration in many aspects of life, and in many ways she is like the Jenna that I could be if I made it past myself. (Pronouns can be confusing when talking about oneself and one's mental processes, can they not?) And so, without further ado, Jenna makes:
-happy, well-trained dogs. My family's first dog, Willow raised me, as I am fond of saying. With a lab/German Shorthair Pointer mutt came a liking for hiking, an appreciation of nature, and self-discipline. I became the unofficial dog-walker of the family, and though Willow seemed to have been leash-trained already, I learned to pace our walks and watch out for someone's safety other than my own. A few years after getting Willow, we brought another dog into our home: purebred GSO Lucy.
She was rescued from a puppy mill and was very challenging to raise.
She was afraid of literally everything, never seemed to walk on a leash or heel, and became lonely, bored, and scared every time she was left alone (peed indoors, ate plants, threw up, chewed things that weren't toys). As my family grew ever frustrated with her, it came to me to train her. Love and patience helped her learn to stay close when off the leash, and that love eventually spread through the rest of her life. She's quite the companion now.
-clothes! I recently started making some skirts and dresses for myself, and I want to continue to do so and learn more challenging patterns.
-mistakes
-homes
-creative spaces
-plants grow
-fooooood. I can be very indulgent when it comes to food, and making it is cheaper than going to fancy restaurants. Good thing I like to cook!
-friends
-crafts
-memories
-a good impression
-music
-scorn
-thoughtful conversation
-informed decisions
-blanket forts
-dreams
-drinks
-friends feel valued
-nonsensical sounds and movements
