They mostly come out at night... Mostly

To many people, Old Town Fort Collins is a magical, romantic place to enjoy dinner, followed by a moonlit stroll through the square. But for others, it is a place to get your drink on until the bars close or you run out of money, followed by a moonlit stumble through the square.

It is this second group that has shaped one rule for me: avoid Old Town Thursdays through Saturdays after 4:00 p.m. Sure, most of these drunks are harmless, but even at their best, they are annoying and difficult to get rid of.

On a warm Friday afternoon in the early spring, my parents and I were enjoying a round of beers on a street-facing patio in Old Town when we were intruded upon by a drunk guy coming up to us from the sidewalk, complaining about society's assumption that he was the asshole for saying hello to strangers. Strangers or not, he was an asshole for interrupting our conversation. He blathered on with little input from us for several minutes.

The further into the night one lingers in Old Town, the drunks become more and more creepy. This was made apparent to me on one Halloween night. Of course, it's always risky to go out on a holiday, but it was also my friend's 21st birthday and I was obligated to chaperone  her first spin around the bars.

As the sober one among my two friends, I had already noticed the inebriated young man in a wig guarding the entrance to the Rio. There was a small, plastic bow on his shoulder, a suction cup arrow in his fist, and his pants were spray-painted orange over his crotch. His plainclothes friend stood with him, somewhat less intoxicated.

The one holding children's toys noticed us as we approached. "I like your costumes. Do you know what I am?"

One of us ventured a timid guess, "...Katniss?"

"Ha ha ha, close," he chortled. "It's 'Munger Games.'"

My friends and I were silent, and his friend shook his head in embarrassment, disbelief, laughter, or all three.

"You know 'Munger Games?'" he asked, gesturing at his spray-painted crotch.

My friends and shook their heads. I had never heard of it, but I had a good enough idea and I didn't want an explanation.

His friend laughed, "You should look it up."

"I lost a bet!" Katniss exclaimed proudly.

"Okay," I said hurriedly, finally taking charge of the situation. "You guys have a nice night."

I herded my friends into the Rio without looking back to finish our Halloween with chips, salsa, and anonymity.